I can't even hear anyone speak without hearing it through the filters you have placed over my ears. Criticisms become personal attacks and compliments are always lies. "No one really likes you" you say. "See, you always mess things up." you whisper.
All the times I'm supposed to be living, I'm dying a little inside. Hoping that maybe no one will notice the ugly person I think I am, the ugly person you remind me that I am.
A few days ago, I was taking a walk down memory lane and looking at old pictures. Remembering fun times spent with friends. Every memory was stained with your familiar words, "you're the ugliest one in the room. No one really likes you, they just tolerate you." But you know what? Looking back, I can see that I don't actually look like an ogre and my friends actually seem genuinely happy to be with me. And it makes me sad to think about how many happy moments you have stolen from me and how many friendships I have never pursued because of you. I wonder how many times I missed the chance to be a good friend because I was so busy worrying about hiding the ugliness inside me.
Insecurity, we need to talk. You see, things just aren't going to work. You and I can't be together anymore. I've kept you around most of my life and you know, this thing we have going, its just getting old.
You see, I've met someone else. His name is Jesus. And you know what? He tells me I'm beautiful every single day. He sends me flowers every spring and paints the sky with beautiful colors for me each night. Best of all, I don't have to pretend with Him. He loves me no matter what and I'm starting to love myself too.
So I'm sorry insecurity. You'll have to leave.
Jesus is all I need.
xo
Victoria
