An open letter from The Heavenly Father

Dearest Daughter,

You are so beautiful. I know that you don't always see it and sometimes you think no one notices you, but you are stunning. The way your eyes light up when you smile, the color of your hair, your perfect toes, everything about you takes my breath away. I wish that sometimes you would see yourself the way I see you. I spent so much time on every single one of your features when I made you. I knit you together in your mother's womb. You were always a part of my plan and you are not an accident.

Sometimes the world gets crazy around you, sometimes it feels like you're all alone or like you're forgotten, but you're not. I am your Father. The one who made you. The one who is always there. So many of you have been misled to believe that a dad is nothing more than someone who comes in and out of your life but isn't there when it really matters. What a lie! I never leave your side. When you look at me, when you have something to say, my heart stops because nothing else matters more to me than you. Nothing is as important to me as you my beloved child.

Trust me. I know that you can't see me and my ways never make sense. But beloved, my ways are not the ways of man. They never will be. I am faithful, I am just, I am trustworthy. I love you. Oh you can not imagine the fervor with which I love you. Nothing in the universe is more precious to me than you. Nothing matters more to me than you. I have always loved you, for all of eternity I have loved you. So stop trying to earn my love. It is a gift and there is nothing you could ever do to change it. I know you struggle. I know you sin, and yet still, my daughter, I cherish you. Look to me. Let me help you. Let me guide you. Let me show you your worth because it is more than a thousand diamonds and rubies.

I love you with an everlasting love my precious one,

Your Heavenly Father

It's not me, it's you.

Every time I look in the mirror, I hear your voice. Taunting me, criticizing, and full of hate. You blind me from my beauty and all I see are my flaws. "big pores, bushy eyebrows, frizzy hair, yellow teeth." you whisper. "never thin enough" you remind me.

I can't even hear anyone speak without hearing it through the filters you have placed over my ears. Criticisms become personal attacks and compliments are always lies. "No one really likes you" you say. "See, you always mess things up." you whisper.

All the times I'm supposed to be living, I'm dying a little inside. Hoping that maybe no one will notice the ugly person I think I am, the ugly person you remind me that I am.


A few days ago, I was taking a walk down memory lane and looking at old pictures. Remembering fun times spent with friends. Every memory was stained with your familiar words, "you're the ugliest one in the room. No one really likes you, they just tolerate you." But you know what? Looking back, I can see that I don't actually look like an ogre and my friends actually seem genuinely happy to be with me.  And it makes me sad to think about how many happy moments you have stolen from me and how many friendships I have never pursued because of you. I wonder how many times I missed the chance to be a good friend because I was so busy worrying about hiding the ugliness inside me.

Insecurity, we need to talk. You see, things just aren't going to work. You and I can't be together anymore. I've kept you around most of my life and you know, this thing we have going, its just getting old.

You see, I've met someone else. His name is Jesus. And you know what? He tells me I'm beautiful every single day. He sends me flowers every spring and paints the sky with beautiful colors for me each night. Best of all, I don't have to pretend with Him. He loves me no matter what and I'm starting to love myself too.

So I'm sorry insecurity. You'll have to leave.

Jesus is all I need.


xo

Victoria

More than a man

Y'all,  I married a wonderful man. Sometimes I look at him and I get overwhelmed by how perfectly The Lord made us for each other. He loves me the way I need to be loved and he sees all my flaws and weaknesses and calls me beautiful anyways. Plus he's gorgeous. I'm not kidding. He looks like a Ken doll! I've never had anyone as good as him. 

Relationships have always been tough for me though. I used them to try to fill voids. I hid my insecurity in them until they became infected with it and like a stinky wound, it only festered until it completely ruined them from the inside out. I've spent countless nights in tears because I just wanted someone to tell me I was good enough or give me enough attention or call me beautiful enough times until I believed it. But it never happened because that's unrealistic. My mom used to tell me, "if you don't love you, how do you expect anyone else to?" I used to think she was nuts because in my mind, if someone else saw me as good or worthy, then maybe I was! 

The other day I read some lyrics to a song that were all too familiar. They were to a song called "wrecking ball" by Miley Cyrus. And sadly I remembered a time in my life where I could relate. "Loving" the pain, feeling completely stripped, the empty-ness and broken heart of a destructive love. If I'm being honest, all of my relationships in the past could be described this way. Maybe you can relate. Actually I'm almost positive you can because even a celebrity can!  

For many years I thought I had things figured out though, I thought I would meet the man who did all the cute things you see on romantic comedies and say the right things like the ones Edward does in Twilight. And I thought that surely this perfect of a man could never hurt me and I wouldn't have to worry about ever feeling this way again.

Well then I met my husband. And y'all he's great. but he isn't perfect. He messes up too. We all do. I mean expecting him to be all perfect all around with no flaws was a crazy high standard that I wouldn't want him holding me to. Right? I mean lets be honest people, I'm messy, horrible at punctuality, and have a gift for procrastination. And that's just to name a few. So about a year before my wedding, I found myself at a crossroads, realizing that I didn't know what to do. Because what I wanted more than anything was a man that loved me exactly how I needed to be loved, I wanted a man that would never fail me, and most of all I wanted someone who would never ever ever hurt me. So I did what anyone would do and sought the advice of someone more wise than me. I guess what I expected my pastor to do was to give me a recipe for how to train or hypnotize my future husband into my perfect little barbie and then my worries would be over! I'm not kidding y'all! I was ready to write down the scripture verses I could post around the house as rules to make him fit into my mold. WRONG.

The only person who could fit everything I wanted and truly guarantee that I would never be hurt again was Jesus. I know what you're thinking, "boring! so typical of you!" because honestly I thought the same thing. I was like "yeah yeah, pastor. Take the easy way, tell me I don't believe in Jesus enough." But then I realized I had nothing else. I was on a road toward a marriage with a man I loved more than anyone but also a man that could never ever promise me that he would be perfect, and I couldn't promise him perfection either. So guess what, after a few days of thinking, I gave it a shot. I asked the Lord to be what I needed. I decided to just say "Hey Jesus, I've never had much luck with this whole Love thing. Could you please show me how it's supposed to be? Because I don't want to say vows to a man and expect things from him I would never be able to give myself, and also, I am just honestly too tired and too damaged to take a gamble again on someone who might fail me."

And guess what happened guys? He did. He came in, swept me off my feet and continues to show me a love more deep and more wide, and more furious than anything I could have ever imagined. Every night He paints the sky with his majesty, every spring He colors the earth with flowers, Every morning he renews His mercies, and every moment, He is with me. I have found myself enthralled and my heart completely ravaged by a love I never knew was possible. The craziest part of all of it is that each day that my love for my savior deepens, I find that the love I have for my husband grows too. Because now I see him for what he is. Not this make-believe knight in shinning armor, but a gift and an earthly companion. He's wonderful and he's great. But all of my hopes, dreams, and aspirations lie in someone who is so much more than a man.

xo 

Victoria

THIS week

Do you know what we are currently in the middle of? Well I'll tell you if you didn't, Fashion Week. My favorite! September is sort of like the January of the fashion year so it's a fabulous fresh start. 

Anyways, in celebration of fashion week I wanted to challenge you. Wear something fabulous and enjoy it! Hey if we all can't be at the shows, why not make the sidewalk our own runways?! 

Cheers beauties!!! 

xo

Victoria 

Learning to love

II never understood the whole "pray for those who hurt you" thing. I mean what in the world are you supposed to ask The Father for on their behalf? 

Luke 6:28 says "bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you." Those are Jesus' words y'all so they must be something serious right? I never got it though. I have sometimes done it though, Out of hopes that The Lord would hear my empty words and reward me. Sort of like the kid who only makes her bed on Friday morning when she's planning on asking for donuts for breakfast... You know, kinda to give mom an extra incentive to reward her?! What? Oh wait I did that too.  ;) 

Empty words and obedience without a heart change aren't what The Lord asks of us though. 1 Samuel 6:7 says "... People look at the outward appearance but The Lord looks at the heart." Isaiah 55:8 says, "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are my ways your ways, Declares The Lord" 

Woah y'all. 

So He isn't looking for your empty words, "God please bless that person at work who is so mean to me.." While you're secretly hoping she trips and breaks her little high heels while you sit all self righteous in your desk thinking "she's so mean but I'm a Christian so I'm not as evil and at least I am so obedient and prayed for her...." And you know that person, the one who hurt you big time all those years ago? Yeah that one. He wants you to pray for them too! And not just one of those "Oh Jesus please change their hearts, please help them see what they did." Nope. 

The Lord is asking for a change in us. Not just empty words though y'all. I'm not saying He doesn't honor your obedience because I believe he does, but more than that, when Jesus gave us that command (yes command, not just a suggestion) I believe He wanted more. The Lord is all about some love and I truly believe that He wants us to do something a little crazy and pray for their hurts. My mom always says, "hurt people hurt people." And honestly when she tells me that about someone that's mean to me I'm like, "hhmph! Well at least I'm not the only one hurting!" Awful I know. But the truth is, all of us are. Everyone. 

And once you begin to pray for the hurts of those who hurt you, the chains the of pain and anger they once had over you are broken. So even though it makes no sense, because let's be real, ain't nobody got time to be thinking about their enemies' hurts (this is where the whole "my ways are not your ways" comes in)... Praying for the hurts and lives of those who hurt you, and truly beginning to love them is the only way to be set free from the pain they've caused you. 

So I challenge you today to ask The Lord for a heart change in you towards those that hurt you. You'll be surprised at how much lighter your load is when you decide to let Him help you love them instead. 

xo 

Victoria

Hold my hand

Lately things have been different. My husband is on a new schedule for work which doesn't allow us to see each other as much, my work schedule has been nothing short of unpredictable, and things have just felt off for me lately. Do you ever have those times? You know, when you just can't seem to grasp onto the routine you're so used to, the one you're so comfortable with. I'm not going to lie, it's been rough. My husband, bless his heart, has been sleeping less and doing everything in his power to give me as much of his time that he can. I'm a quality time girl y'all. I need it to feel loved. Isn't he sweet? Yes, I know he's a keeper.

I haven't been spending as much time with The Lord. I feel like there's no time! Sure we have our chats here and there during the day, but no special time like we used to. My schedule is off, it's irregular and sometimes I feel lucky when I'm just able to sleep like I used to. And I mean really, sleep is a pretty silly excuse when you're talking about hanging out with The Lord of all creation.

So things have been off, like I said. And I've been searching for a routine. Searching for some sort of regularity that I can get comfortable with but it hasn't come. On top of all the work schedules, I've got quite a few other things going on that I'm just not sure how to juggle. So time has just been slipping by lately. Sometimes I realize I'm cooking dinner or getting ready for bed and I have no idea where the day went because I haven't really gotten anything done that I wanted to.

I have this devotional I usually read in the morning called "Jesus Calling." I didn't get to it this morning so I planned on giving it a quick glance over before bed. I did and I actually had to read today's entry 3 times and stop for a second after reading it because it spoke so perfectly to what I've been struggling with and it was like a lightbulb finally came on for me.

The Lord wants to hold our hands. He wants us to look to Him. Not just in times when things are going great, or when they're really bad, but every single day. More importantly though, when our routines feel off and we feel like things just aren't working right, he wants us to look to Him. He wants to hold our hand. Because the times where we are uncomfortable and the times we feel off are often the times He is looking for growth from us. These are the times that The Lord is looking for more trust. Trust that we acknowledge that THIS day is the one He has made, trust that through all the chaos, and through all the uncertainty, He is there.

Psalm 91 is one of my favorite passages of scripture. It talks about the fact that The Lord is our refuge and protection even when things all around us look grim and are filled with uncertainty. Verse 4 says "He will cover you with His feathers, and under His wings you will find refuge." I think it's beautiful to imagine The Lord sweeping us under His wings when we need it.

The best thing, and the thing I honestly think I didn't realize until now is that even when I'm feeling lost and out of sorts, His love remains. Even when it's 9pm and I'm just throwing a pizza in the oven because the day was crazy and I don't have time for anything else, His love remains. And even if that new job of yours is exhausting you, or you've got no idea how you'll make it through the week, His love remains.

So if you're going through a rough patch, and dealing with some uncertainty, I would encourage you to take heart because The Lord doesn't change. And even when things feel off, and nothing is normal, He's there. Take comfort in the constant, unchanging power of His love for you. Because sometimes, it's the only thing that's constant.

xo

Victoria

Bronzers 101

I'm a beauty junkie. Really, I am. Sometimes I think to myself that I need a vanity just for my makeup and hair products. Because the vanity I have is currently home to my overabundance of jewelry. Oh that's really bad. Did I mention I hoard accessories? And by jewelry I don't mean legit diamonds and gold, although there is some of that going on, I mean inappropriate amounts of costume jewelry...I digress, the point is I have lots and lots of hair and beauty products. And ever since I started working at a makeup counter, things have reached a whole new level. sorry husband. But seriously who doesn't love a brand new mascara, or an exciting eye shadow?! I mean makeup can be so fun to change based on your mood! Smoky eyes one day, subtle the next, and then bam! a red lip! 

One of my favorite products, and probably one of the ones I'm most picky about is my bronzer. It's one of the basics and definitely part of what I wear every day.  Let me preface this post by saying that I do not believe in cheap bronzers. I've had wayyyy too many cheap ones that clog my pores and just don't do it for me. So although some of these bronzers to follow aren't cheap, they are good. And they will not make you break out. Also, none of these companies are paying me to recommend these to you. Although I wish they would! ;) Let's talk about a couple of my favorites and then let's talk application! 

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1. Tarte Mineral Powder Bronzer in Park Avenue Princess ($29)- This is the bronzer that is currently in my makeup bag. It's available at either Sephora or Ulta. So what I love about this bronzer is that first of all, the color is perfect for my skin tone. It's warm without making my skin look dirty. It's available in a few shades so lighter girls, you may want to go one shade lighter. This bronzer also has a luminous finish, which means that it has a bit of iridescence to it. Most of the time, when you say luminous, women get scared for some reason, I guess it's probably a fear of having a glitter face. This definitely isn't that. It has a nice golden pearl like finish to it, which makes your skin nice and glowy! Definitely one of the best bronzers I've tried. 

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2. NARS Bronzing Powder in Laguna ($36)- So this one is a bit more on the pricey side but NARS is a great brand y'all. Francois Nars is a really well respected makeup artist in the fashion industry and his entire line of cosmetics is really nice. The pigments are really strong so the colors all can be pretty intense. But he developed a line from a place of understanding what looks good on women and I think it really shows. This bronzer is a favorite of lots of beauty magazines and well respected makeup artists. It also has a luminous finish. The color is intense, like I said, so it's perfect for the times of year when your skin is a bit more tanned. NARS cosmetics are available at Sephora, Lord and Taylor, Nordstrom, Saks, and I think Neiman Marcus.

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3. Bobbi Brown bronzing powder in medium ($38)- So Bobbi Brown is actually a pretty well respected makeup artist that also started her own cosmetics line. She is known for creating really beautiful "natural" makeup looks where the models look like they aren't wearing anything at all. So because of this, her powders are pressed really tightly so when you apply, you get a minimal amount of makeup. This allows you to get nice build-able coverage as well as keep things natural looking. Does that make sense? This particular bronzer isn't luminous (it has more of a matte finish) and doesn't go on heavy so it's great if you're into more of the natural look. I've used this one before and loved it. Bobbi Brown isn't sold in my area though, so I've had to switch. It also comes in a good range of colors so there's one for everyone! Bobbi Brown cosmetics are a little harder to find but I have found them at Saks Fifth Avenue, Neiman Marcus, and Lord and Taylor. 

Now lets talk application. I feel like a lot of women I meet (especially at the counter) are super intimidated by bronzers. And I think it's because they don't know how to apply them. To start things off, let's be clear: Bronzers are not blush and bronzers are not the same as loose/ pressed powder. This means that they aren't meant to be applied the same way either of these two products are. Think of a bronzer as a date with the sun! Bronzers add great color to your face in just the places the sun would kiss you see I told you it's like a date!, such as your forehead, cheeks, nose, and chin. The best way to remember application is to think of applying them in sort of a number 3 figure on each side of your face starting above your eyebrows, going to your cheeks, and finally your chin. You also may want to dust your nose a bit. The key here is to not just use the product like blush, to avoid looking dirty, and also to make sure you don't use it all over your face, like a pressed powder. Bronzers are great for adding a warm wash of color, without being as obvious as say, a blush. Another key to applying bronzer is making sure you use a good brush. Big and fluffy ones work best! Above everything else, keep in mind that makeup application should be fun! There aren't any strict rules so figure out what works best for you. And go try a bronzer if you don't use one already! You might be surprised how much you like it! 

Do you have a favorite bronzer? I'd love to hear all about it! 

xo

Victoria