More than a man

Y'all,  I married a wonderful man. Sometimes I look at him and I get overwhelmed by how perfectly The Lord made us for each other. He loves me the way I need to be loved and he sees all my flaws and weaknesses and calls me beautiful anyways. Plus he's gorgeous. I'm not kidding. He looks like a Ken doll! I've never had anyone as good as him. 

Relationships have always been tough for me though. I used them to try to fill voids. I hid my insecurity in them until they became infected with it and like a stinky wound, it only festered until it completely ruined them from the inside out. I've spent countless nights in tears because I just wanted someone to tell me I was good enough or give me enough attention or call me beautiful enough times until I believed it. But it never happened because that's unrealistic. My mom used to tell me, "if you don't love you, how do you expect anyone else to?" I used to think she was nuts because in my mind, if someone else saw me as good or worthy, then maybe I was! 

The other day I read some lyrics to a song that were all too familiar. They were to a song called "wrecking ball" by Miley Cyrus. And sadly I remembered a time in my life where I could relate. "Loving" the pain, feeling completely stripped, the empty-ness and broken heart of a destructive love. If I'm being honest, all of my relationships in the past could be described this way. Maybe you can relate. Actually I'm almost positive you can because even a celebrity can!  

For many years I thought I had things figured out though, I thought I would meet the man who did all the cute things you see on romantic comedies and say the right things like the ones Edward does in Twilight. And I thought that surely this perfect of a man could never hurt me and I wouldn't have to worry about ever feeling this way again.

Well then I met my husband. And y'all he's great. but he isn't perfect. He messes up too. We all do. I mean expecting him to be all perfect all around with no flaws was a crazy high standard that I wouldn't want him holding me to. Right? I mean lets be honest people, I'm messy, horrible at punctuality, and have a gift for procrastination. And that's just to name a few. So about a year before my wedding, I found myself at a crossroads, realizing that I didn't know what to do. Because what I wanted more than anything was a man that loved me exactly how I needed to be loved, I wanted a man that would never fail me, and most of all I wanted someone who would never ever ever hurt me. So I did what anyone would do and sought the advice of someone more wise than me. I guess what I expected my pastor to do was to give me a recipe for how to train or hypnotize my future husband into my perfect little barbie and then my worries would be over! I'm not kidding y'all! I was ready to write down the scripture verses I could post around the house as rules to make him fit into my mold. WRONG.

The only person who could fit everything I wanted and truly guarantee that I would never be hurt again was Jesus. I know what you're thinking, "boring! so typical of you!" because honestly I thought the same thing. I was like "yeah yeah, pastor. Take the easy way, tell me I don't believe in Jesus enough." But then I realized I had nothing else. I was on a road toward a marriage with a man I loved more than anyone but also a man that could never ever promise me that he would be perfect, and I couldn't promise him perfection either. So guess what, after a few days of thinking, I gave it a shot. I asked the Lord to be what I needed. I decided to just say "Hey Jesus, I've never had much luck with this whole Love thing. Could you please show me how it's supposed to be? Because I don't want to say vows to a man and expect things from him I would never be able to give myself, and also, I am just honestly too tired and too damaged to take a gamble again on someone who might fail me."

And guess what happened guys? He did. He came in, swept me off my feet and continues to show me a love more deep and more wide, and more furious than anything I could have ever imagined. Every night He paints the sky with his majesty, every spring He colors the earth with flowers, Every morning he renews His mercies, and every moment, He is with me. I have found myself enthralled and my heart completely ravaged by a love I never knew was possible. The craziest part of all of it is that each day that my love for my savior deepens, I find that the love I have for my husband grows too. Because now I see him for what he is. Not this make-believe knight in shinning armor, but a gift and an earthly companion. He's wonderful and he's great. But all of my hopes, dreams, and aspirations lie in someone who is so much more than a man.

xo 

Victoria

Seeking the King

So the last few Sunday evenings the husband and I have been watching that series "The Bible" on The History Channel. Have you? It's so good. In case you haven't seen it, basically they took The Bible, pulled all the major highlights out and made a series out of it. Each episode is 2 hours long and they run until Easter Sunday. It's really cool and I hope they make it available on DVD because I'd love to own it! 

Anyways, as I've mentioned before, I was raised in a Christian home, and went to church my whole life so most of these stories are pretty familiar to me. I mean I remember David and Goliath and Daniel in the lions den, I learned about them through puppet skits and little cartoon characters on a felt board as a child, and I've heard so many sermons preached on them. I guess that's why I took them for granted for so long and honestly remembered them as the puppet skits and cartoons I first learned them as. Watching this series though has really opened my eyes. God did some really cool stuff. No seriously! And I feel like sometimes we forget. Sometimes we think of Him as this nice big guy in white that lives in the clouds and hangs out until we beg Him enough to do something for us. But guys He's so much more than that! 

Lately The Lord has been challenging me in my prayer life and it's so tough. I was praying the other day, probably going down my list of wants, needs, and wishes and the Lord stopped me in my tracks. Sometimes when He speaks, it's like He's in the room. It's so loud and clear and hard impossible to ignore. He gave me a bit of a challenge and asked me who I thought I was to constantly speak to the Lord as if He were my hand maiden. Woah. 

As believers, sometimes I feel like it's so easy to get caught up in making a "to do" list for the Lord. We spend so much time marking down situations and circumstances that we want the Lord to intervene in. But how much time do we spend actually talking to God like a friend? I'm not saying that He doesn't care about our needs and we should just figure things out ourselves, but I'd like to submit to you that the time we spend asking the Lord for things should be far outweighed by the time we spend seeking Him and just trying to get to know Him. Tough? Yeah I know. But I mean think about it, would you want a friend or a loved one to only communicate with you when they wanted something? I wouldn't. Not at all. Well believe it or not, God is no different. Jesus sacrificed on the cross so that we were no longer indentured servants and could instead come boldly before the throne of the everlasting father. Not just so that we could have His help with things in our lives, But for something more beautiful. Jesus sacrificed so that we could get to know our creator, so that we could fall in love with Him.

There's a Phil Wickham song I love called "Beautiful," listen to it if you get the chance. Anyways, the first line of the song says, 

      "I see your face in every sunrise, the colors of the morning are inside your eyes."

I love it. I'd just like to challenge you today to do less "to do list" reading and more seeking, and taking time to stop more often and just discover the beauty of our King.

xo

Victoria

5 Things on a Friday

So I'm going to be doing these Friday posts a little bit differently than in the past. I know I have kind of used them as an outlet for my randomness once a week, but from now on I'm going to start featuring 5 things I'm currently crushing on. Sometimes these will be fashion or beauty related, and sometimes they won't be, but I hope you enjoy! 

So this week is a pretty eccentric mix of things but y'all should know that I'm also mildly obsessed with everything in the picture above! I mean these fabulous little finds made the first cut, right?! Lets jump right in! 

{starting from the far left side of the picture}

1. Volumizing Lash Powder by Essence- Ok so I told y'all I have an obsession with eyelashes right? I wasn't joking. A friend of mine told me about this "volumizing powder" and I'm pretty sure I brushed her off at first and thought to myself, "she's out of her mind." Sorry friend. BUT thankfully she convinced me let me try it! So here's how it works, its basically a little baby jar of white cotton like fibers that comes with a mascara wand. All you do is put on a thin coat of mascara, then use the wand (not the one from your mascara silly!) to apply some of this powder to your lashes while your mascara is still wet. Then give it a sec and apply mascara again. (side note: it's white so you'll look a little weird but trust me.) Then poof! Your lashes will seriously look fake. No joke! It's the weirdest thing. And the best thing is that this little jar of fabulous only costs $3 at Ulta so you have no excuse not to try it! My asthetician told me that other, more premium brands make something similar and they are upwards of $30!! So yay for this $3 find! 

2. Almond Hand and Nail Butter by The Body Shop- I'm from Texas, where winter (real winter!) doesn't exist. So things like cracking hands, etc aren't really an issue if you use lotion with any sort of regularity. Well things changed for me when I moved up North because let me tell you, extreme cold, washing hands, and then constantly living in super dry, heated environments does a number on your skin. It really does! Mine were cracking, bleeding, and just hurting and looking pretty gross. I found this stuff a couple years back at the Denver airport, and it seriously is the only thing that really works and heals my hands when they're dry! It's super smooth, really thick, and seriously buttery, and it doesn't wear off after just one hand washing! It's a bit pricey (about $20 for the smallest jar-- which is the size I have) but the jars last a good while and it really really works y'all. My mom always said that your hand's will betray your age before your face so I always try to take care of mine, and this stuff has been a life saver!

3. Chobani Vanilla Greek Yogurt- Ok I know this is random but seriously I have almost finished that huge jar you see there in less than a week. I eat it for breakfast, snacks, and even sometimes dessert! It's a bit more tart than traditional vanilla yogurt but it has less fat and sugar, and wayyy more protien! I just add some granola for crunch and yum!! I'm so hooked. Try it! 

4. High Brow Glow by Benefit- Ok so this is fabulous y'all! It's a chubby little pencil, kinda like an eyeliner that is a gorgeous little champagne/ platinum color used for brow highlighting! What is brow highlighting you say? Well basically it's an old makeup artist trick where you apply white or pearl eye shadow under the arches of your brows to make them appear higher. With the pencil, all you do is apply it directly under the arches of your brows (and then smear it a bit with your fingers) for an instant brow lift! It's great in this super cute, super convenient pencil format! I love it for when I'm doing my makeup on the go... oh wait, I'm always on the go since I'm chronically running late. sshhh! I think I paid maybe $16 or $18 for it and it was totes worth it! 

5. Jesus Calling Daily Devotional by Sarah Young- This is probably the best thing on this list because it has helped me get to a whole new level in my walk with the Lord and my alone time with him. Each day has a "message" of sorts from the Lord. All are based in scripture but they are written in a format where it's more like a letter or love note, instead of your more traditional "thou art..." scripture. Each day is about a paragraph or 3 long and has all the scriptures referenced listed at the end. The main focus of the book is for the reader to learn to live or be challenged to choose to live in a constant state of fellowship with the Lord, which I love because I truly believe that our goals should be more about doing this and not so much about how good we can be. This book is at once encouraging and challenging and if you are looking for a little somethin to suppliment your devotional time or are just looking to get started in the morning prayer department, this is your book. I picked up my copy at Target and it has been something I really look forward to each morning. Time with the Lord in the morning is seriously the only thing that gets me through the day. I'm a total wreck without it.

Well y'all, that's my list! Hope you'll try one (or all!) of these little treasures! Do you have any current crushes to share? I'd love to hear them! 

 I also hope you all have a fabulous, and restful weekend! I will be at the counter all weekend so stop by and see me if you can! 

xo
Victoria

Perfect in His eyes

Have you ever seen one of those girls that looks exactly like her mom? Like they're totally twins? I love when I see that. I just think its totally adorable and so cool. Now lets go on a little imaginary journey! So picture a set of  mom and daughter "twins" together in, lets say, a bedroom getting ready to go somewhere together. You know, all the makeup and hair products everywhere, a little music, and of course lots of laughs. Now imagine the daughter looking in the mirror and suddenly going on and on about how ugly she thinks she is. Just naming all the features she can't stand and flaws she wishes she could change. Sounds pretty normal right? I mean I think all of us girls have those moments where we think "woah" and not in a good way. Imagine though, how the mom in the room probably feels. She's of course thinking that her daughter is absolutely wrong and that she's the most beautiful thing in the world. But also, she's probably getting a little bit hurt right? Thinking, "but you're not ugly, you look just like me." ouch.

So I was totally having one of those moments a couple of weeks back. I was putting on some eyeliner I think and just felt like I was looking in a scary carnival mirror because I just kept naming my flaws silently in my head. And the Lord just stopped me. And he showed me the mom and daughter scene I just described along with a verse that I really never related to beauty.

"Then God said, 'Let us make man in our image and likeness...' " 
Genesis 1:26

Now I don't think this verse is strictly about beauty but I love how the Bible is such a living and breathing document that sometimes things you never considered totally come alive. It's so cool.

Anyways, have you ever actually considered the fact that God's word says you were made in His image? You were. Not His image minus your nose, huge pores, or frizzy hair. It doesn't say that you were made in his image if you have always been skinny. It doesn't say you were made in His image if you are 5'10" and look just like Cindy Crawford. It just says you are made in His image. So there's a couple of things we get from this!

1. God didn't make a mistake with you. Oh you don't like your frizzy hair or your big teeth? Well they weren't a mistake. God thinks you're beautiful (and so do I!). I mean seriously Cindy Crawford is beautiful but wouldn't the world be so boring if we all looked like her? Gah! I mean then we wouldn't have pretty girls like Emma Stone or Beyonce Knowles or YOU! Your unique features are God's creativity at it's best! 

2. When you criticize yourself and pick at your flaws, you are hurting the heart of the heavenly Father. Yes, you read that right. It actually hurts Him. He is the parent creator that says "wait, you think you're ugly? But I made you in my image. I think you're stunning." This is the part that really made me say ouch. Because the last thing I want to do is hurt my savior's heart. He died for us y'all, gives us the air we breathe, and beautiful things like flowers and sunsets and really how could you hurt someone like that?

So I hope the next time you look in the mirror you stop and take a moment to acknowledge the stunning beautiful person that you really are. The Lord made you like this on purpose and you are his precious child. Start acting like you know it! 

Love y'all! 

xo

Victoria

All things new

Happy 2013 y'all! I hope you all had a fabulous time this Christmas and New Years with your families. I had a wonderful time with my husband! He was so good to me! He let me bake all the cookies my house heart could handle, spoiled me rotten (Michael Kors and Marc Jacobs both made appearances under my tree! squee!), drank too much wine and spiked eggnog with me, and even listened to me obsess over what the appropriate amount of sparkle on my nails really meant! It was a great first married Holiday season for us. 

Now that the new year has begun, though I have been thinking quite a bit about whether or not I will be making a new years resolution. I mean, there really is something so inspiring and so exciting about a fresh start isn't there? Last year, my resolution was to stop drinking soda and I did it! I went from 3 Dr. Peppers a day to 0. It was tough but I stuck with it and as a result, lost 2 jean sizes! Once that happened, it was an easy resolution to keep! 

This year though, I wanted to do something a little different because the Lord has been showing me something pretty interesting. The Lord is a fan of new beginnings I think. I mean, if you really think about it, He says things to us like, 
Yeah you sin. and you've done some pretty awful stuff, but no worries, I died so you didn't have to pay for it. Just believe in me and we can start over. 
Or He says, 
You're my child, and despite everything you do daily, when I look at you I see my promises to you and not your mistakes.
Or one of my favorites, 
Today was rough, and yeah you probably shouldn't have said those things. But rest your head with me tonight and we can start over tomorrow because my mercies are new every morning. 
He is so amazing isn't He?!

So I've been thinking about how a new year, a new month, a new week, or even a new day can mean a new beginning. And more than anything I am just thankful for the chance for a fresh start, whether it's this month, for 2013, or just the chance to wake up each day to a God who loves me. I'm thankful that He looks at me and calls me His. So for 2013 I'm not really going to commit to increase my workout days or eat more vegetables, or anything like that. For 2013 I am going to do my best to wake up each day and treat it like the fresh start that it is. 

What about you? Do you have any New Year's resolutions?

xo

Victoria

Stripped

I've really been struggling with writing about this topic because it's still something I struggle with almost every day. But it's been really heavy on my heart so maybe I'm supposed to share it for a reason.

Did you know that Northern New York is different from upstate New York? I didn't either. It's actually the region above the Catskills (all the way by Canada) and is ever so affectionately called the "North Country." The North Country is now my home. The city town I live in is called Watertown and it's about 30 minutes from the Canadian border. It's very different from San Antonio. That's where I grew up. 

Watertown doesn't have very many stores (a few and thank Jesus its growing!). It definitely doesn't have a Forever 21 or a Nordstrom. Gasp! And you're right if you guessed that having access to the very latest in fashion isn't an easy thing (unless you count Target and Charlotte Rousse... which aren't horrible options, but lets be real). 

Now insert me. The labels lady. The girl who turned her nose up at clothes from last season. Don't even mention 2-3 seasons ago. And what's that you say? The nearest Forever 21 is an hour away and the nearest Nordstrom is 5 hours away? *faints*

Oh the task of making yourself feel beautiful when you are stripped of the labels you love, and cut off from the convenience of a big city with world class shopping.... How does a girl achieve such a thing you ask? It's not easy let me tell you, and it has absolutely nothing to do with clothes.



It's funny how sometimes when the Lord wants to teach us something, He strips things in our lives away. I'll tell you girls, He sure is doing that with me. I mean, here I am in this beautiful place with none of the fashion amenities I'm used to and a closet that's looking less and less like it fell out of the pages of a magazine. And I'm supposed to figure out how to continually look at myself in the mirror (in clothes from 3 years ago) and see beauty. Let me be honest with you and say that I don't always see it. My husband does (God bless him) but if we're being honest, I have to say that I don't. And it's not like I have all these other ways to cover it up or things to focus on instead. I've reached a point where all those things, whatever they may be, are gone too. I'm stripped and the only place I have to turn is to Jesus. 

I know, I know, you're wondering what He has to do with everything. I felt the same way at first too. And it's so crazy because literally Jesus in my life is the only thing that makes me truly feel pretty. 

As discussed last week, His death on the cross to save us is a really awesome start. But it's just a start and it's so fabulous it makes me want to jump around my living room! Because He says He knows we are going to mess up every day so not to worry, because His mercies are new every morning (Lamentations 3:22-23). And He says that our beauty doesn't come from anything on the outside, not crazy fab hair, or amazing clothes but from the inside (1 Peter 3:3-4).  Even more encouraging, is that He says we are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). I could literally go on until tomorrow with Bible verses because the Bible is such a love letter. There are so many! But the sweetest part, the part that gets me through a rough day, is His whisper in my ear that He loves me. Like, the inconvenient, life sacrificing, overwhelming, all consuming, slap you in face, make you feel great kind of love. And somehow I just know that if He loves me, there's no way I'm not beautiful.

I hope with all of my heart that each one of you fabulous readers finds that love. It is truly life changing.

xo 

Victoria

Who Me?

So I told ya'll we would be talking about other things besides fashion that still relate to beauty. Today is one of those days. Let's start with a little bit of my story (just a little, I promise!).

Growing up, I really struggled with finding my value. Seriously, I was always so insecure and it permeated everything I did. So I tried to compensate for it with extra over the top grades or relationships, or new clothes and shoes, or even drinking too much. I thought that if I just had the best grade, it would make up for the fact that I didn't ever think the girl in the mirror was pretty. Or if that if I fished for enough compliments from a boy, I'd start to believe them. Or if I bought enough of the newest things and wore nothing but new clothes, I'd hide the ugly person I thought I was. Or if I drank enough, then I wouldn't remember all the reasons I didn't feel like I was enough. None of it worked and for so many years I just hurt. 



I wish I could tell you I woke up and turned a magic age and it all went away. I still sometimes struggle with these things. I know I'm not alone either because I'm pretty sure every girl I've ever met can relate to this in some way or another. It's kinda sad isn't it? That's why I wanted to start blogging. Because I wanted to tell my story and tell you all that you're not alone and that you're all so incredibly beautiful. And that each of us is beautiful in a different way just like a Rose and a Daisy are. And how when we start to understand where our beauty and worth truly come from, our lives are forever changed. *steps off soap box*

 When I was a little girl, my mom always told me that Jesus loved me. And I went to Sunday school and they told me that too. Which is never a bad thing. I mean I guess I believed it, but not necessarily. In my mind, Jesus was someone we prayed to and learned about in school. But actually Jesus is God. Like He's the big guy up there in heaven that created everything. He was the one that was there when Noah had his Ark, and He's the one that wrote the 10 commandments. He's pretty important in the whole scheme of things. 

And not only does He love me (you too!) but He took it upon Himself to die for me and you.  Yes, you! I know, I said the same thing. It's actually a little bit crazy that the GOD of the whole entire everything died for us isn't it? I mean I would think He'd have bigger (less painful) fish to fry. But nope. He DIED for us. That's my secret! I realized that the King of the Universe, the God of everything looked at me and considered my life worth giving up His. and it just blew. my. mind.  And let me tell you girls that He also considered your life (even with all the crazy parts) worth dying for. So I mean really, if someone that important can put that much value on your life, you have to as well!! Isn't it fabulous?! 

So maybe for some of you, this is something you've heard your whole lives too but I hope you will take the rest of the day to just mentally chew on it (yeah I just used that phrase). And for those of you who are just learning of this fabulous news, I have even better news for you!! Not only did Jesus die for you, He wants to know you and all you have to do is ask him to forgive you for all the bad things in your life and to come be with you. He will too, I promise! 

I have come quite a long way but I'm still a work in progress but I am so happy to have a way to share my heart with you all because I think you're all fabulous. Seriously, I do! 

xo 

Victoria