Lately things have been different. My husband is on a new schedule for work which doesn't allow us to see each other as much, my work schedule has been nothing short of unpredictable, and things have just felt off for me lately. Do you ever have those times? You know, when you just can't seem to grasp onto the routine you're so used to, the one you're so comfortable with. I'm not going to lie, it's been rough. My husband, bless his heart, has been sleeping less and doing everything in his power to give me as much of his time that he can. I'm a quality time girl y'all. I need it to feel loved. Isn't he sweet? Yes, I know he's a keeper.
I haven't been spending as much time with The Lord. I feel like there's no time! Sure we have our chats here and there during the day, but no special time like we used to. My schedule is off, it's irregular and sometimes I feel lucky when I'm just able to sleep like I used to. And I mean really, sleep is a pretty silly excuse when you're talking about hanging out with The Lord of all creation.
So things have been off, like I said. And I've been searching for a routine. Searching for some sort of regularity that I can get comfortable with but it hasn't come. On top of all the work schedules, I've got quite a few other things going on that I'm just not sure how to juggle. So time has just been slipping by lately. Sometimes I realize I'm cooking dinner or getting ready for bed and I have no idea where the day went because I haven't really gotten anything done that I wanted to.
I have this devotional I usually read in the morning called "Jesus Calling." I didn't get to it this morning so I planned on giving it a quick glance over before bed. I did and I actually had to read today's entry 3 times and stop for a second after reading it because it spoke so perfectly to what I've been struggling with and it was like a lightbulb finally came on for me.
The Lord wants to hold our hands. He wants us to look to Him. Not just in times when things are going great, or when they're really bad, but every single day. More importantly though, when our routines feel off and we feel like things just aren't working right, he wants us to look to Him. He wants to hold our hand. Because the times where we are uncomfortable and the times we feel off are often the times He is looking for growth from us. These are the times that The Lord is looking for more trust. Trust that we acknowledge that THIS day is the one He has made, trust that through all the chaos, and through all the uncertainty, He is there.
Psalm 91 is one of my favorite passages of scripture. It talks about the fact that The Lord is our refuge and protection even when things all around us look grim and are filled with uncertainty. Verse 4 says "He will cover you with His feathers, and under His wings you will find refuge." I think it's beautiful to imagine The Lord sweeping us under His wings when we need it.
The best thing, and the thing I honestly think I didn't realize until now is that even when I'm feeling lost and out of sorts, His love remains. Even when it's 9pm and I'm just throwing a pizza in the oven because the day was crazy and I don't have time for anything else, His love remains. And even if that new job of yours is exhausting you, or you've got no idea how you'll make it through the week, His love remains.
So if you're going through a rough patch, and dealing with some uncertainty, I would encourage you to take heart because The Lord doesn't change. And even when things feel off, and nothing is normal, He's there. Take comfort in the constant, unchanging power of His love for you. Because sometimes, it's the only thing that's constant.
xo
Victoria
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